Monday, August 9, 2010

Picture Book Query Workshop

With WriteOnCon just two days away now, and with the end of summer (and therefore the end of many query blocks that agents have announced) approaching, I thought a couple posts on queries would be appropriate. Queries are the only thing I almost never get major feedback on, and I credit Query Shark, Nathan Bransford, SCBWI, and all the other resources I went to before I sent out my first query. My first drafts are never anything to write home about, but I use these resources to tighten and revise on my own before asking for critique or sending them out. So, while I'm not necessarily an expert, I think I can probably offer some helpful advice.

Since queries can be such tricky beasts, I decided on a workshop format: I'll post a "first draft" of a query, then show you a line edit so you can see how I would tighten and improve it. This way, you can see how I apply the general guidelines in practice, and (hopefully) then you can apply them to yours.

We'll do picture books today, because PB queries are a particular case, and novels tomorrow.

Okay? Okay.

SO! Here we go. There are some basic tenets for queries, and they apply especially when it comes to picture books. The biggest rule of thumb is, keep it short. I mean, REALLY short. I know we say one page for queries, but if you're querying a picture book, you should really be going for about half a page. If your query is longer than your manuscript (and your book has more than one or two words per page), you have a problem.

This sounds daunting, but it really isn't. The basic structure for your query letter should be:

Address (Dear Mr/Mrs Agent/Editor)

One to three sentences about the content of your book, which includes your hook, but which does not include how it ends. (They're called "spoilers" for a reason, guys.)

A couple of sentences about why you think your book is a good fit for their house/agency (including word count, target audience, etc.).

A sentence or two of relevant bio/recent and relevant publishing credits.

Thanks,
Signature

That's it! Any more, and you're over. The part about staying relevant in your bio is important; it's nice if you go to conferences on the topic of your book, but unless you were a speaker, they don't qualify you as an expert. It also doesn't matter if your grandson liked your book, unless your grandson runs a publishing house. A PhD in Entomology is great if you wrote a PB about bugs, but if you're writing about a kid who goes to the dentist, leave it out. If it doesn't have to do with writing or publishing and it isn't an actual qualification or degree that applies directly to your manuscript, it shouldn't be in your query. The editor will thank you.

I've heard a couple of people say that they never personalize their query with a section on why you think your manuscript is a good fit for a certain agent or editor. If that's the way you want to go, then so be it. But I put one in, because all the agents I've heard talk about it and seen blog about it say they prefer one. It shows them that you've done your research. (And you ARE doing your research, right? Right? Yes, because you know you should be.)

Okay! So with all of that said, here's a first draft-type version (I took my actual query and worked backwards to add mistakes that I see people make often) of a query for one of my books:


Mr. Agent Amazing who Holds My Dreams in Your Hands,

“Penelope was petite – in fact, she was the smallest person in her class – but her hair was HUGE.

This was a problem.”

Penelope is good at everything, but all anyone ever notices is her huge hair. Penelope tries everything from braids to special brushes to a haircut and everything in-between to make her hair less noticeable, but it just doesn't work. Then when she finds out that there will be a school spelling bee, she jumps at the chance to prove to everyone that her hair isn't the only thing remarkable about her, and after practicing and practicing and practicing, she wins! And no-one notices her hair anymore.

"Penelope’s Hairy Predicament” is a 600-word picture book for 6-8 year olds. It will appeal to readers of all shapes and sizes.

With its light-hearted treatment of a serious issue, this book would be a welcome addition to your collection of quirkier titles, such as THIS BOOK, by Author A and THIS OTHER BOOK, by Author B. I have enclosed my complete manuscript, along with an SASE for your convenience.

I am a member of SCBWI. My poem, “Desert Treasure”, has been published in the Jul/Aug 2010 issue of KNOW: the Science Magazine for Curious Kids. I also contributed to my College Newspaper at Simon's Rock College of Bard from 1994-1996. As someone who grew up with humongous hair, I really know what Penelope has gone through, and in fact this book is based on my experiences as a child. A writer, actor, and dancer, I live, write, and perform in This Town, ON, with my husband and two sons.

I just know you're going to love my book, and I can't wait to be your client!

Sincerely,

And here's my line edit:

Mr. Agent Amazing who Holds My Dreams in Your Hands, Don't ever say that; they don't need to feel the extra pressure, okay? Rejecting people's work is hard!

“Penelope was petite – in fact, she was the smallest person in her class – but her hair was HUGE. This was a problem.” Corrected weird formatting.

Penelope is good at everything, Avoid hyperbole. but all anyone ever notices is her huge hair. Penelope tries everything from braids to special brushes to a haircut and everything in-between to make her hair less noticeable, but it just doesn't work. Then when she finds out that there will be a school spelling bee, she jumps at the chance to prove to everyone that her hair isn't the only thing remarkable about her, and after practicing and practicing and practicing, she wins! And no-one notices her hair anymore. There are two things wrong with this paragraph: one, it's a summary, not a query, and it gives away the ending. Don't give away the ending! Two, it's way, way too long.

"Penelope’s Hairy Predicament” is a 600-word picture book for 6-8 year olds. It will appeal to readers of all shapes and sizes. This is kind of general. Shoot for specificity.

With its light-hearted treatment of a serious issue, this book would be a welcome addition to your collection of quirkier titles, such as THIS BOOK, by Author A and THIS OTHER BOOK, by Author B. I have enclosed my complete manuscript, along with an SASE for your convenience. This is actually fine. Books are examples from the agent or editor's own list. This part will change depending on whom you're querying.

I am a member of SCBWI. My poem, “Desert Treasure”, has been published in the Jul/Aug 2010 issue of KNOW: the Science Magazine for Curious Kids. This is a good credit: current, and also kidlit. I also contributed to my College Newspaper at Simon's Rock College of Bard from 1994-1996. However, the newspaper credit is WAY old, and not even in the right genre! Cut it. As someone who grew up with humongous hair, I really know what Penelope has gone through, and in fact this book is based on my experiences as a child. Sorry, but... This needs to go. It doesn't reflect the voice of the manuscript, and it's wordy. A writer, actor, and dancer, I live, write, and perform in This Town, ON, with my husband and two sons.

I just know you're going to love my book, and I can't wait to be your client! Don't say this; never presume that representation will be offered. Thank them for their time, and say that you look forward to hearing from them.

Sincerely,

And here's the final version:

Mr. Agent/Editor, Professional greeting - this is a business letter.

“Penelope was petite – in fact, she was the smallest person in her class – but her hair was HUGE. This was a problem.” This is the "hook". You don't have to quote from your manuscript, but in this instance, I thought it worked and I left it in.

Penelope is good at lots of things, like Hide-and-Seek and memorizing the dictionary. But all anyone ever notices is her huge hair. As Penelope tries unsuccessfully to make her hair less noticeable, she learns that sometimes building on your strengths is the best way to diminish your weaknesses. This gives some specific details and the theme, but does not give away the ending - to find out how she solves her problem, they'll have to read the manuscript. The second sentence is the essence of what this book is about - the theme, not the plot.

"Penelope’s Hairy Predicament” is a 600-word picture book for 6-8 year olds. It will appeal to any child who has ever felt uncomfortable with his appearance, stood out in a crowd, or believed there was more to herself than the way she looked. This still refers to most people, but it tells WHY those people might like this book.

With its light-hearted treatment of a serious issue, this book would be a welcome addition to your collection of quirkier titles, such as THIS BOOK, by Author A and THIS OTHER BOOK, by Author B. I have enclosed my complete manuscript, along with an SASE for your convenience. Most of the time, editors and agents specify that in the case of picture books, you should send the full manuscript with the query. Look in the Children's Writers' Market if you don't believe me.

I am a member of SCBWI. My poem, “Desert Treasure”, has been published in the Jul/Aug 2010 issue of KNOW: the Science Magazine for Curious Kids. A writer, actor, and dancer, I live, write, and perform in This Town, ON, with my husband and two sons. We are the biggest-haired family on our street. This last sentence adds a bit of flavor, and reflects the voice in the manuscript.

Thank you for your consideration; I look forward to hearing from you. Professional, polite closing.

Sincerely,

See the difference? Keep it tight; give specific examples, but don't reveal the ending; echo the voice in your manuscript; stay relevant; personalize it.

And once you figure it out, make that baby into a template so you never have to try to figure it out again.

I hope some of you found this, along with the above links, helpful. Enjoy your journey in queryland!

And thanks for stopping by.

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for this post! I'm a complete rookie as far as trying to get what I've written published. I've read a bunch of books which included chapters on writing query letters, but none as helpful as this. I love the bit about the letter not being longer than your story :)

    What are your thoughts on the personal info if all you have is an English degree to your credit? That's about all I have going for me! I'm so new and I want to be honest about being new to this but not coming off as being someone not to be taken seriously.

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  2. Wow - thanks for the compliment on my post! Do me a favor and tell other writers you know. ;-)

    You've asked a really good question. An English degree, while still an accomplishment, isn't really a unique credit when it comes to writers. A more substantial credit would be a degree in creative writing. But I don't have either of those! And prior to KNOW picking up my poem "Desert Treasure", I was in the same boat as you with no publication credits, either.

    So, in this case, you have a couple of options, and you may even choose a different option depending on which manuscript you're querying.

    You could skip this paragraph, and just thank them for considering your work and say that you look forward to hearing from them. I've heard agents say that if you really are just starting out and don't have any qualifications or credits, you can do that.

    Or, you can put something that shows you have personal experience with the subject matter in your manuscript. This is the option I chose with this Query: PENELOPE'S HAIRY PREDICAMENT is specifically about a girl whose huge hair kind of takes over her life, and I have huge (I mean, HUGE - people identify me by it) hair, so I have directly experienced the kinds of things that she goes through in the story. So if you have written about something which draws heavily upon your personal experiences, and you can think of a way to mention it in a way that is fun and reflects the voice of the manuscript and blends in with your query, then you could do that. Two agents read an earlier version of this query, before I changed the manuscript a bit and had to change the query to reflect it, and they both liked that last sentence about my family being the biggest-haired family on our street (which is actually true!).

    Another thing you should do, if you're serious about getting published, is join a professional organization for writers. SCBWI is one internationally recognized organization, and there are many other such organizations out there. Pick up a copy of the CHILDREN'S WRITER'S AND ILLUSTRATOR'S MARKET and thumb through it for a list of organizations you can look into. And once you've found one that you want to be a part of, you can list membership with such-and-such organization as a credit. :)

    Good luck - I hope this helped!

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  3. Great post Ishta! I didn't know you worked on picture books.

    I love your concept- I have always suffered from fluffy-hair-itis (and so does my daughter)

    Best of luck to you!

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  4. "fluffy-hair-itis" - LOL! Yes, these humid summer days and nights aren't really great for us big-haired types, are they?

    I'm glad you liked the post. One on querying novels is going up this evening, so stay tuned for that, too.

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